I think it cant get worse, and then it does.
I think my mom wont leave again, and then she does.
5 years old with no parents in sight, a little girl wonders
if they will come home tonight. Clubbing was more important
than learning to read, Snorting Cocaine outweighed bedtime stories,
Cruises overruled Happy Halloweens, and alcohol was always better
than any sunny soccer game.
I scored my first goal that day, but you weren't on the sidelines to see it.
I came home and told you all about it as you layed in your bed
You never took your eyes away from the window.
Fuck that stupid window.
it became the norm to have a mother who wasnt there to see you grow
to come home from school and not have to ask where you were anymore,
because we knew exactly where you were. You had run away to dreamland,
and decided to stay until I turned 13.
Hi mom, nice to meet you, My name is Micah, Im your daughter.
I think it cant get worse, and then it does.
I know dads never been nice, but I didnt expect this.
From Kindergarten to College, daddy was never Dad.
He was money. He was Anger, he was alcohol, a condescending
bastard who loved his porn and popped his pills.
But most of all, he was rage. A bomb with no
fuse, shooting words as sharp as spears that injected fear
into my young heart.
Self-esteem is not an option anymore, because of you.
Because of you, I am angry. I am tired. I am stupid.
But most of all dad, I am utterly terrified of myself. Because of you.
18 years old.
I've seen a lot. I've been through more than most other kids my age.
I've seen the dark,
the evil and nasty
and ive felt the slimy grip of forceful hands
more than once.
felt the cord tighten around my neck
Ive inhaled nightmares posing as daydreams
watched my blood trickle down the drain
and mourned over multiple graves.
I know what its like to feel a demon on your shoulders
licking down the nape of your neck
and whispering disease into your brain
I know what its like to give up
cry until you throw up
stare at the ceiling until the day waves goodbye.
And now I know what its like to watch your parents divide.
A shitty bond that was severed down the center.
yes, it was a shitty bond, but it was OUR shitty bond. and now its gone.
and now its shitty. Because somehow its better to have a dime
rather than 2 nickels.
I think it cant get worse, and then it does.
Money is nowhere to be found. And our memories were sold
along with our belongings. Now it was just another lifetime.
Dad says he's making big changes. That hes finding God.
Mom says she is too. But let me ask you both,
Why the fuck is it okay to find your fucking God now?
why not 13 years ago when a little girl was asking about
the man in the sky? why not 11 years ago when a little
girl asked why Grandpa had to baptize her instead?
Why the fuck now, and why is it okay to drag us all into it?
You both thought it was okay to be absent from our lives as we
grew up, so quit expecting us to be there for you now when you finally
decide to get your shit together.
I miss you guys.
