secrets, secrets are no fun.

Tonight I sat parked in my 98' Nissan Altima

crying alone in a gas station parking lot.

Dad called, said he's already found a new girl.
Divorce isn't even final yet.

He took her to California this weekend on a secret vacation.

Didn't even try to call me or visit me.

I haven't seen my dad in months.

I, of course, am the only child he told.

 If I don't comply

do as he says

keep my mouth shut about it

ill be "sorry."

So, my lips are sealed...Just as they always have been.

I'd say I would be scared about Mom finding out,

that it would break her fragile heart.

But to be completely honest

I truly don't think she's got anything left in there.

I can see it in her eyes. They're dull.

Can't remember if I've ever seen happiness in my mothers eyes.

It makes me sad.

I want to help my family but everyone is so far gone in so many different directions

I couldn't hear them even if they screamed.

I wish they were here. I wish my brothers were here.

I miss them. I get so emotional if I even think about them.

They don't know it, but those dumb sons of bitches are the only things in my life

that have stayed constant, and have stayed a happy thing in my life. I miss them.

I miss how everything used to be. I don't want to feel alone anymore.