I thought my room was a safe haven

I cant wake up from this nightmare I'm living

I thought her kisses were innocent

Her touch only loving.

And now my limbs are bleeding

But its less painful than this feeling 

I have inside my head. 

The 5 year old in my mind is lost and directionless

Empty.

I am so empty. 

And these work bathrooms are not a good place to 

cry, but its better than telling someone 

why Id kill to say goodbye. 

You must be very brave though..

I keep wondering what would have happened

if I had woken up 

would I have been saved?

.

.

.

It snowed Christmas morning

And you all exchanged gifts,

Opened presents, and showed your love

Oh how I wish that was my case.

But all I have received since Christmas day

Are memories I found out I wasn't even awake for. 

And how horrifying it is to try and conjure

Up these visions against my will. 

Sleep evades me. 

my compass a constant spin..

Denial has run away with my voice box

While betrayal has a cold pistol pressed 

against my brain. 

Just a child

Stripped of innocence without even knowing it

I beg of you to please pull the plug for me

It's been draining me with each passing day.

And mommy, I don't want to scare you

But I can feel my skin turning cold

My mind is wasting away

And this freshly old news is slicing my eyes

to the point where all I see left in this world

Is red.

And the worst part is 

I've been afraid to go to bed

And you aren't even here.