What my eyes have seen

All of what follows is true:

I have been breathing for 17 years, 1 month, and 28 days. 

I have seen the ocean, layed under the stars, hiked up mountains, and listened to guitars. 

I have watched someone die in the street, being so stunned that I was unable to move from my seat.

I have never seen a baby be born, but I have been watching one grow up to become the magical little age of four. 

I have been a little girl who lost her mommy for 4 1/2 years, but I grew up being being taught it was wrong to show your tears. I have been woken up at 3:00 am to endless drunken fighting, where to find my dad the next few days? there were never any sightings. 

I've taken my body on roller coasters, road trips, airplanes, and boats, and one time my friends and I even stole a baby goat. I've been caught sneaking out on more than one occasion, each time being put on my own personal probation. 

I was forced to say goodbye to my sister at such a young age, watching you struggle with drugs tore apart my ribcage. 10 years ago the heroin snatched you up, but i'll never let anyone know that sometimes my eyes still tear up. 

My mind still wanders to those long years I was without a mother, and out of the depths of her depression I don't think she'll ever recover. I miss watching Little Bear with you, while you'd tickle my back and tell me "I love you too".

I've sat outside in a thunderstorm let the cold rain sprinkle my face. Its in those short moments I can truly find my "happy place".  I've smiled for pictures, and danced in cars. I've been joking around and taken it "too far".

I've told someone I love them only twice before, the first time I did I received nothing but my face staring at the closed door.

I have choked on fruity pebbles, war heads, and my own spit. And one time when I was barefoot I stepped in some dog shit.

I have been lonely, I have been sad, i've cried too much because I HATE my dad. I have been happy, and I have been carefree, and this last year I realized that I hate therapy. 

Sometimes I feel like my life is cursed, but I know theres people out there with it plenty worse. So I'll continue to fight for happiness, until I don't have to fight anymore. 

I've decided to live. I'm curious for whats in store.