Paying Respect for March 11th, 2012

2:32 p.m.

"what are you doing right now?" 

"just in my room, why?"

"well, go grab your brother and get in the car. we're at the Orem hospital."

"....What happened?"

"Nothing everything is fine we just need you guys down here. Now."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Dad just called, we need to go to the hospital in orem right now." 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

He met us out front of the hospital on a cool sunday in March. His face was serious, but then again that's how it always was growing up with dad. My brother and I got out of the car. No one spoke. No hugs were exchanged either. That was fine though. I already knew what had happened. 

"is he alright?" I asked. 

"Yes, just resting." My dad replied. 

I'll never forget how narrow and dark those hospital halls felt. My quiet suffocation intensified with each trembling step I took.  We neared the entrance of the door.  Dad walks in, while I hesitate. I close my eyes and breathe in. 

Turn the corner. 

Dad didn't lie, you were "resting". He just forgot to mention that you aren't going to wake up. 

The rest of the family was already there, sitting off to the side, silence piercing the room.  I didn't believe it, this cant be real. My eyes became hot with tears, but I didn't let it show for long. 

I walked over to you and knelt down. Your eyes were closed but your mouth was open. I remember staring at your chest, convincing myself it was ever so slightly raising up..and down. But it wasn't. I leaned over the hospital bed, and hugged you for the last time. 

It made me nauseous feeling your cold hands.  Cold hands that would never be warm again. It's been 2 1/2 years since i've seen your smiling face. 

or heard your booming laugh...or watched you grab your wife's bum and sing "I got the whole world in my hands." 

I miss you every day. 

And I want to thank you for being an irreplaceable father figure in my life. Thank you for stepping in to officially bring me into the church because my dad lost the power to all those years ago. Thank you for teaching me so many life lessons. And thank you for showing me what a marriage should actually be like.