Golden Titanic

Its a vicious cycle and this frost bite is getting painful

the wailing is fading and Jacks already lost under the sea

i'm sinking
.
.
falling
.
.
a downward spiral that no high can propel me out of

just me this time;

looking up through this dirt tunnel into the vast night sky

wondering

when everything became so far away

when did everything become so far away?

People will say they miss you

but don't be fooled

they don't know the promises or the lies they make

they're on the same ship as you

speaking through the ice water in their lungs

Thinking God will save them.

Distracted by death

the shivering sounds of their last dying breath

Echoes a two toned blue that we can never resuscitate

We're all holding each others heads under just to breathe

who knew air was as precious as gold?

You were as precious as gold

you were so precious to me

and now everyone is sinking

on this dying ship

No one is safe

We can't escape this cold

and you are no longer my gold

34%

There's an itching in my brain, its

not exactly on the surface

i've been more in tune with God and

less distracted by the churches

Sometimes wish for death but

We all know thats worthless

you hurt in the night

waiting for some Devil to come put coins over your eyes, and

instead he binds your tongue, well

maybe God was wrong about second chances


Maybe I was wrong about me


And if wickedness never was happiness

why does this sadness make me smile


I'm sicker now, the dog was ashamed to lose

can anyone tell me why feelings are so hard to choose?


My brain is innocent

walking through a war zone

choking in debris

kinda just like me

and, just like me

its weak and therefore worthless


But ill be alright

don't you worry about me

Im waiting for a miracle to save us and

maybe I will wake up


please, just, 


tell me when it ends.

I know I'm not a bad person for shaking where my leg bends

but I'm small and this world is getting heavy

and all this pressure has made my heart weak and unsteady.

Ramblings for me

Its like a crushing weight you can feel on every inch of your body, inside and out

Sometimes it gets so heavy its actually difficult to breathe

or even move. 

its actually proven that your nerves are affected with depression, you can feel physical pain if you become sad enough, I didn't know that.

When it happens to me, its always usually most painful in my chest/heart, and the back of my legs. sometimes my arms/hands.

I got sick for a week and a half recently. Its not helping the situation to be confined to my bed, but at least I have an excuse now. 

I don't know

Im so happy. 

I think. I think I am. I can't decipher my feelings anymore. my mind won't focus on it long enough for me to figure it out. 

I don't know what I want anymore either. Ive been asking myself every day whats most important to me, and the answer can change within the minute. Its exhausting.

I don't know

I miss some of my friends

And I miss the mountains. I really miss the stars, I miss my family.

I miss thinking I knew what I wanted, and working towards it. Painting my face in the bathroom and creating characters, enjoying my skill.

Now I get condescended to for it, I know I'm not great at my craft, but I feel so small.

I miss when things weren't so bland. I miss being excited for something. Now I'm just going through the motions and I have no direction. I don't know what the fuck I want to do and I hate it. 

I don't want to do anything. 

When I hide away I just want to be with people. I want to feel happiness. When I'm with people, I want nothing more than to be alone or be in bed. 

Things aren't going the way I want them to, but I'm not motivated enough to even try to fix it.

I don't give a shit. 

Horrible excuse. I shouldn't be saying these things. Everyone gets sad. Everyone has shit to deal with, I'm just pathetic and I can't handle anything. 

Im developing such a deep rooted loathing for myself, in such a new way I never thought possible. No wait, I like myself.

I don't realize that I'm sad half the time until someone asks me if Im okay. or tells me that I don't look good. 

Drugs don't give me happiness anymore.

People out here are untrustworthy. 

The Church isn't working anymore.

I don't want to paint. 

I don't want to exercise.

I want to help people. I want to make them laugh, do something huge for them. Something that they will always remember and be grateful for. I want to travel, and make memories with random people all over the world and connect with them. I want to feel loved.

I want to be motivated, I want to stop pleasing bad people. And, I want to stop being so trapped inside my head. I need to get out but I don't know how anymore. 

Stalker

Well, I never thought this would happen to me but I officially have a stalker. And its ruining my life already.

I decided to go to a couple church activities to get to know more people out here, because people in the FX world are hard to deal with sometimes and can actually be pretty mean. So, like I said, I went to church, and a Family home evening activity. I met a boy there, He's a new convert to the church, has sleeve tattoos, kinda quiet, but seemed nice. I usually tend to gravitate toward people like that naturally, so we started talking a little bit during those two activities. By the end of the second activity (FHE) he was really friendly and asking me to stay and play volleyball with everyone. I had already told another group of kids in the ward I would go out to dinner with them, they invited me first.

I felt bad about it, So I found him on Instagram, added him and told him sorry lol. We started talking, and he asked if we could hang out sometime. I have been kind of getting desperate for friends, as moving to a new state completely alone can really freaking suck. So we hung out on Wednesday. He picked me up in his Tahoe, and we drove to a random place chalk full of dirt mountains and desert land. It was cool, the moon was full and it casted a really pretty light down on these mini mountains.

But the longer I hung out with this kid the weirder things started to get. Right when I got into the car, I knew he was nervous. He was speaking a million miles an hour, and rambling like Ive never heard before. It didn't bother me at first, like I said, I just thought he was nervous. But as the night progressed, things started getting stranger and stranger.

We found a paved road on a hill and sat down, we had a great view of the moon and we talked for a while. He kept trying to hold my hand and touch me in any way he could, but I kept telling him to ease up because I didn't even know him. He listened for a little bit, told me his life story, and ill admit its a really sad and messed up one. It made me hurt just thinking about some of the abuse he has had to take, and I empathized with him. After his stories were over, he turns to me and stares at me for a good 15 seconds before saying "I've seen this before."

I ask him what he meant, and he replies "I've had a dream about this night before, with the woman of my dreams, but she never had a face...until now" I just stared at him, what the hell do you say back to that? I've known this kid for like 10 hours? I laughed it off, and started talking about other things. We got on the topic of mormonism and how I felt about it. I told him how I really want to start getting back in church and get back on track with things, and he cuts me off to say the most terrifying things I have ever heard.

"I could definitely see us getting married. and soon. Well, not soon, I would wait at least 2 months before we got engaged. But I definitely see a future with us." My eyes Bulged out of my head. "What??" Then he says "I like you. But I hate having competition with other guys so I need to know that you like me and only me, I don't want you dating anyone else. I need to be able to call you mine." This kid is a freak.

The whole way back to the car he was talking about how I need to be his and how our kids would be so cute, how he believes in love at first sight and the moment he laid eyes on me he "knew" I was special and he fell for me, etc. I was silent through most of it with the occasional awkward laugh thrown in to break up the tension. I had no idea what to do. Is this kid going to murder me?

We get in the car and he starts playing tons of Emo/Screamo songs that "remind him of me" and I had to sit there and listen, acting like I was interested in this shit. Finally, he listens to me and decides to take me home because I had work at 4:30 am. He drops me off, says he misses me already, and by this point I can't get out of the car fast enough. I walk up the stairs to my apartment and...its locked...and...I forgot that I left my keys inside. Usually my roommate leaves the door unlocked so I didn't think to take my keys. F*CK.

I go back down the stairs and of course this weirdo is still waiting there for me for some reason. I tell him what happened, and we try to figure it out. My roommate wouldn't answer the door, the banging on his window, calls or texts. I was completely locked out and had work in just a few hours. So, unfortunately I had to sleep in his car with him in the UFC gym parking lot. But we all know I didn't sleep. No way. 5:45 am rolls around and I tell him thanks and goodbye, and I start my eternally long 8 hour work shift. I want to cry. I have already been up for 24 hours at this point, and I'm exhausted.

I get through about 5 hours of my shift and I can't take it anymore I'm so tired. I ask to go home and they let me, except I almost had to walk 5.5 miles home, because my keys were in the apartment. Luckily I got a ride home from Carlos, and I texted my roommate to leave the door unlocked for me when he went to work. I got home at about 10:30 am, and crashed HARD until 5 or 6 pm. I woke up to 30 text messages and 6 missed calls. I was so confused, but as I read I realized what had happened.

THIS CRAZY ASS STALKING GUY literally came into my work after I left (about 3:00 pm) and was asking the Manager where I was. My manager thought he was creepy so he wouldn't tell him, and after leaving my work, apparently he freaked out and sent me all those messages asking where I was, who I was with, why I wasn't at work, etc. I was shocked, scared, and pissed the hell off. Who does he think he is coming into my work like that? I let him know real quick that if he ever did that shit again he would regret it.

I don't know what to do, this guy is in my ward, he knows where I work, where I live, my name, he has everything he needs. Im genuinely scared that he's not going to leave me alone. Im going to talk to my bishop about it this Sunday and hopefully he will have some good insight on what to do. But seriously, I can't catch a break. Ever since I moved here my life has been insane. lol.

So theres that.

UFC shenanigans

I went into the UFC gym at 3:30 or so, and I knew I was supposed to ask for Torrence. Of course with my luck he wasn't there. But there was this Australian guy working the front desk, So I spoke to him. His name is Mike, and I had no idea that he was the owner. I explained my situation, and he told me Torrence would be in in a bit. I asked for a tour of the gym, and as he gave me one, I was running my mouth like a mower. I got wayy too excited about fighting (I've always wanted to fight/train) and looking back, I probably looked like an idiot.

While I was waiting for Torrence to get in, I went to the public library, bought a cute as hell red jacket from Goodwill, and took a small walk under the California sun. I came back about 5:30 and had my "interview" (lol) with Torrence. He asked me basic questions, and we ended by him telling me he would give me a call by Friday to tell me if I got the job or not. I drove home, and within the hour he called. I got the job!

I come in Monday-Friday 6am-1pm and do basic things like mop the lobby, keep the bathrooms clean, log appointments, answer the phone, you get the idea. I was trained by Brianna, and honestly she is freaking awesome. Brianna is 26, dating one of the Muy Thai trainers at this gym named Turbo, professionally rides horses, and was so much like me. We had a lot of fun talking for the few days she trained me. Unfortunately she had to leave because she moved away to Texas for her horse racing. Even though I knew her for 4 days, Ill miss her a lot.

The cool thing that happened here though was that after 2 days, the District Manager named Paul (a big ass scary ass Tongan man) came in and offered me a job as a sales rep. He and Torrence said they liked me and as long as I was okay with "taking money from people" I could have the job. I thought about it, and its just a sales job. People are smart enough to say no if they don't want something, and Im not a snakey person. So, I took it.

Im in "training" right now with Carlos, and Carlos is in the top sales. He's supposed to have been teaching me how to go out and approach strangers on the street about our gym, but instead we have been going out to In n out and going to parks and stuff. Which, Im okay with that, but in the end I need to know how to make money so Id like to actually learn something from him. But he hasn't taught me a thing. I have found out some pretty weird things about Carlos..

For instance. He prefers to drink alone. Its not that strange, but still I feel like it'd be quite depressing to drink by yourself all the time. He has a lot of anger yet he's really quiet and shy. Not usually a good combination lol, I just hope I don't ever get on his bad side. And then theres the fact that he likes to do Cocaine. So thats fun.

I was ordered to go out and "prospect" on my own and I absolutely bombed it because  I have no idea how to approach people on the streets. It was really embarrassing and I felt so dumb, and when I came back and told Carlos about it, I randomly burst into tears. I think the stress of everything I've been through this month was gonna make me blow and the prospecting is what took me over the edge. I felt like an idiot but I pulled it together kinda quick. Yikes right?

Other than Sales training, I've been doing a little bit of Brazilian Jiujitsu with Armando. I love Armando. He's 23, a skinny tatted out ex gang member. He's cocky as hell, but really a big teddy bear when you get to know him and he's all talk. He's a good fighter, so he's been teaching me. After one lesson, he said he was really impressed with me and loves how quickly I caught on, he was expecting me to be bad because Im "a girl". What a brat

After work sometimes I have been going straight to Creature FX (Marks) for some extra hours that he offered me.  it sucks and I'm working from 5 am basically to 7pm. I'm beat every time I do it. But its been fun because I got to work on an umbilical cord for a skittles commercial coming out in 6 months, and seam and patch some horse legs for a Movie (or TV series, idk yet) called Godless.

So this is life lately. Just working, training, crying, going through life.

Gangsta Pancakes

So, shortly after the fire, things naturally got crazy and weird as hell again. Lets dive in.

One night, and unfortunately I can't remember what night it was now, but I went to go hang out with Willy in Burbank at Timmy Nolans (a bar) with Nattalie and Joey. We didn't last long there, because Willy wanted to go to a going away party for his friend. The only information I was told about this party prior was that it was "a Pancakes party". So, OF COURSE I thought  it was a literal pancake..party.

We get to Zachs house, and as we're getting out of the car I ask "so what kind of pancakes are they having here? why are they throwing a pancake party haha?" yikes. Apparently "Pancakes" is the name of the guy who's leaving, So you can bet I got made fun of the rest of the night. We walk in, and immediately there was a weird vibe in the room. Not too horrible, but something was just...off. I shrugged it off and decided to try my best to be outgoing and talk to everyone, and I did. 

Most of these people looked pretty intimidating. They were either Hispanic or Tongan, tatted out, bald heads or dreads/long hair, wife beaters, the usual. Everyone was drunk and/or high so they weren't too closed off. We stayed for a few hours, and that was that. 

BUT heres where it gets weird (as if a going away party for a guy named Pancakes isn't weird enough) 

Not only did I go to this weird going away for Pancakes, but I had no idea that every person at that house party straight up were Gang Members. NOT ONLY were they just gang members, but they were RIVALRY gang members who absolutely despised each other. But, somehow, Pancakes was friends with both of these gangs, and so they (for the sake of being cool for pancakes) made a peace treaty for one night so they could wish Pancakes good luck.

So lets recap. I was literally at a "Peace treaty" Going away house party, for a Gang member named Pancakes, and the house was filled with Gang Members who have murdered each others friends before. HOW DID I END UP HERE

I found all this out after I left the house, and I could not stop laughing, it was just so ridiculous. I spent the night at Willys again, by the time we got done with the party it was really late. Willys really cool, we have so much in common. I feel really comfortable around him. I drove home the next day and started looking for regular work, because the industry has been really slow and full of spotty work lately, and I need to eat. 

I called a few places with no luck, but then I remembered that I had seen a UFC gym by my apartment driving one day, so I looked it up. I called and the front desk girl (Brianna) told me to send in my resume and they'd give me a call. I did within the hour, and didn't get any call over the weekend. So, desperate for a job and also a free gym membership, I called again on Monday and they told me to come in before 5:00 that day. 

...

We didn't start the fire

  

Theres quite the Fire happening right now where I live. Its been named the Sand Fire...I didn't think it was that big of a deal until yesterday morning, I walked outside to find that the entire sky was blocked out with orange and black smoke. When I say blocked out, I mean VERY thickly covered. It was raining white ash, and there was already a layer collecting on the ground at this point. When I walked outside, I genuinely felt like I was in a post apocalyptic world. There were sirens constantly going off in the distance, you could hear people crying, but yet it was eerily quiet. 

The fire got so close to our apartment, I could see the flames from my balcony. Of course, we had to evacuate. There were 1700 firefighters on the scene, dozens of trucks, etc. the fire as of right now is only 10% contained, and its burned more than 22,000 acres and 17 homes. Im not joking when I say this is a big fire...So we left. I grabbed the things I felt were the most important to me, packed it up, and we all drove to Noras house to spend the night. 

I hated it. 

Smoking and drinking can be fun, but its not a lifestyle for me. For these people, it is. Drinking and smoking is as casual to them as breathing air. I was feeling particularly lonely during this time, so I stayed on the hammock for a while, and watched the sky. You always usually feel the most alone when everyone is fucked up at a party (in my opinion)

I came back in at some point, and everyone eventually went to bed. I got the couch, but I honestly might have rather had the floor. Ive never slept on something so uncomfortable. But the day came, and we got the good news that we had been waiting all night for. Our homes had been saved, and we were able to go back. I was so relieved. But as for now, we are still on precaution, and the fire is still raging. 

This Photo was Taken in North Hollywood, which isn't far from my place. The sky looked just like this all the way to LA. I've never seen anything like it. 

Now we're all caught up. I think.

If theres a Will theres a way

So, Sir William.

He's just a person in the end. Just like everyone else. He might be a little strange, and even a little mean. But I like him enough. He likes me too, I think. Either that or he just likes my body. Who knows what peoples true intentions are these days. Anyways.

Willy has been, as I have mentioned earlier, very adamant about hanging out with me.
we hung out a couple of times with the group, and once with just Nick, Nattalie Joey Will and I.
It was fun, we went to a couple bars, hung out at some random guys house, walked around LA, and by about 9 pm, everyone was ready to go home. Willy wasn't though. He organized a plan that worked out to where everyone would go home when they wanted, and I would go to Wills. He told me he would just get me an Uber home, So I stayed.

We walked into his apartment, its nice. very large, wood floors, 2 cats, lots of horror movie posters..VHS movies filling up the shelves. I like it. We spent the entire night on the balcony conversing with each other. Willy is definitely a talker, he's got a dominant personality..so I let him do his thing. I like to listen.

I learned a lot about him...He kissed me. With a uh.. very..strong amount of force if I might add. I was definitely taken off guard by it, wasn't sure what to do. lol. Billy Bob Thornton's son just kissed me?

We ended the night at about 3 am, and he called my Uber. When I got into the car, the first thing my uber driver did was look back at me and go "Girl, The hell is wrong with you?? Have you lost your mind?" confused, I asked what he was talking about. He then began to tell me that I was in one of the most dangerous places in California (Panorama City, remember?) and that he almost didn't come and get me when he found out where the location was. lol. that made me feel GREAT.

My Uber driver was really nice. Got me home, and that was that. Will had me come over again the other night, and this time I drove. He told me to park in front of his garage, and that my car would be safe (this is a key part of the story here). He showed me his room, and told me stories behind all his little knick knacks he owns. He has envelope stamps from World War II with Hitlers face on it. He's also got lots of original movie props, original paintings, taxidermied bats, etc. Very one of a kind. I loved it.

So, We (mostly he again) talked until close to 5 am. We both decided it was too late for me to drive home, and I was too tired, so I spent the night. We slept in his room, and my god does this man snore. and also his cats wouldn't stop trying to eat my bracelets the whole night. Needless to say, I did not get a good night sleep. Well, come morning, I was getting ready to leave when Will comes into the room, nervously laughing. I ask him what was wrong, and he responds with "Uh..Your car is gone"

Dear God, when will this bad luck end?

I rush downstairs and outside to find that he's right, my car is 100% gone. It got towed. So, we found out who towed it, and Will offered to pay the $160 to get it back. I wasn't about to fight him on it because 1. this bitch told me my car would be safe there 2. I have no money 3. he has a rich dad.
After getting my car back, I drove home and spent the rest of the day looking for work. I got a text from him asking if I want to go to a concert on Wednesday. I agreed, So this Wednesday ill be seeing a band called Brand New perform as well as Modest Mouse. It should be fun.

Mormons can be Goths too

I'm friends with Metal Head SFX Artists now. I live in California. Don't judge these posts. shhh..

Since I have been in California, Every night has been an adventure. I have gone to lots of bars with these people, and I always, always get shit on because I'm 19 years old and a "baby" so its been tough. They want to get me a fake ID lol. But, aside from the bars, I have been to some pretty weird parties as I previously mentioned.

One of them being a Gothic Pool Party. Yes, you heard me. a Gothic..Pool..Party. I laughed out loud when I heard we were going. I was excited to be honest. I was curious to see what this pool party had in store for me. So, on the night of the pool party, I whipped out everything Black that I owned. It felt like Halloween. I went for a heavy black smokey cat eye, Black lips (of course) paled my face out, and wore a dress. I actually liked the look.

Unfortunately, I was not able to wear it out, Because right as we pulled up after driving 30 minutes to this party, Cody selfishly decided he didn't "Feel like going" so we went home. But, its not important.
Whats important is that we ended the night by going hot tubbing and it felt wonderful.

Up next in these crazy events I have gotten to call "my life" has to do with Mr. Billy-Thorntons offspring. Angelina Jolie's step son. Oh yes.

-Micah

 Goth Micah will return

First day F*ckery

My first day at work was nothing short of insane.

I was told to arrive at 9:30 am. I got there on time surprisingly (if you know me then you know how serious this is). I originally was hired on by Mark as whats called a "Runner". What happens is young people who are trying to get into the industry want a job at a studio, they usually get stuck being a runner for a long while before the shop even lets them touch materials. A Runners responsibility is to drive in the horrible LA traffic all day and go get materials that the employees need. Things like 5 gallon buckets of polyurethane, silicone, brushes, buckets, cups, popsicle sticks, you get the idea.

So, I was hired on as a temporary runner for mark, and all I had to get me around is my wonderfully beat up 1998 Stick shift piece of shit. I told Mark I could do it and it would all be okay. and I was! I spent my first day at work learning the entire shop incredibly quick, people I didn't know yelling orders at me, having to keep track of receipts, multiple papers, money, the miles I drove, etc. I almost got hit by a semi-truck on one of my tiny excursions to Nigels Beauty Emporium, but I survived that first day and did everything I was asked, even in a timely manner. I was proud I did all of it with a busted GPS.

But, unfortunately, I was cursed as a young child to have the worst luck known to man, and it was only a matter of time.. My car decided to break down on me as I was getting off the Freeway home from work. I had gotten lost in LA because of said broken GPS, and it took me a couple hours to get back to Santa Clarita. as I was exiting the freeway to finally come home (exhausted, mind you) my car began to violently shake. it died on me, and took 3 times to get it turned back on again. Once I got it running again, I noticed my "check engine" light was on, and the hood of my car leaking smoke. Yayyy.

I hurried and pulled into the nearest gas station, which was a Chevron, and turned my car off. I sat there for a bit in disbelief. What the hell was I going to tell Mark? I have to have my car to get to work, I have to be a runner, what if my car was ruined?? I stayed calm, and decided to call my dad and explain the situation.

We figured it out after a bit, and I decided to ask the employee at Chevron for help. big mistake.
This woman was the most awful human being I had come across since the Taxi Man. She ignored me until the third try, and told me she didn't know where any mechanics were. After trying to ask her one more question, she literally put a paper in front of her face, ignored me and kept reading. So I left. I decided to walk home and tell Nick what happened. We talked it out and he suggested I should call the Chevron to see if it was okay to leave my car there for the night.

This is where my childhood curse really kicks in. I called the Chevron bitch, our conversation went a little something like this:
 "...Hello?"

"Hi, I just came in about a half an hour ago looking for a mechanic, do you remember me?"

"..No."

". . ..I was just here, my car broke down?"

"No. Sorry."

"okay, well can you look outside to your left and tell me if you see a little green car?"

"Oh, I do remember you. I called my boss, your car isn't allowed to be here. Your car is going to be towed."

"What?? where?"

"I don't know."

"how much is it going to be?"

"My boss said the cost for you will be $2,000"

"can you tell him to wait? Ill try to move my car right now!"

"No, sorry"

WHAT.

Panic ensues, next thing I know I find myself banging on Nicks door begging him to take me to the Chevron by our house. I told him the situation and we found ourselves LITERALLY sprinting to the car to get there in time. Luckily we beat the Towing truck, and my car started by miracle. I drove it to the hill by our house and left it there.

First day at work, nothing short of insane. See what I mean?

I called Mark, and explained the situation, which actually worked out in my favor. I got bumped up to a shop worker since I couldn't do runs anymore. So sometimes life is nice to me.

I get rides to work with Cody now, since we work at the same studio luckily. I've been working on a movie coming out (I can't divulge that info yet) and a famous TV series called Criminal Minds. I've gotten to work with chemicals, fake blood, make intestines and guts, hack up fake body parts, etc.

I decided I'm not getting enough hours at Marks, I work one day then I'm off for three. I have to make  money for rent, food and gas. So I've called some other studios and I hopefully will hear back from them. In the mean time, this is where I'm at.

My Futurama live action film is out now! The Trailer was just released. its incredibly cheesy but I love that I can say I worked on it. Ill leave the link down below so you can watch if you'd like.

-Micah

Link to My first Film I ever worked on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNRPKKF4qU

Chapter 2: Friends and such

As I explained before, I knew Cody from my previous trip to LA. But, I didn't REALLY know Cody. I worked with him for two days. So, you can imagine my timidness when it came to moving in with a stranger in California. I talked with him a lot through social media to make sure he was a good guy. I felt comfortable with him.

Whats Cody like?

Well, ill tell you. Cody is 26, a hardworking makeup artist who specializes in mold making, short, kinda looks like Jack Black, piercings, gages, and tattoos. (he has the taco bell logo tattooed on his thigh...little things.) and smokes weed more than he breathes. He's a complete metal head. His friends are all pretty much the same way.

You have Tommy, who looks like a slightly overweight Thor with piercings and owns a giant lizard named PoPo.

Reed, who is an incredibly thin cute-bodied boy with long hair and a bull ring in his nose. I have yet to meet Reed sober. lol. I love Reed.

Then theres Nora. Nora is a dude-lesbian chick who won the FX show "Face-off" you can imagine my fangirl-ness when I met her for the first time. I love her. But who would have thought I would ever have been friends with her like I am now? Its surreal.

Up next is Nick. Nick is my roommate with Cody. He's nicknamed "is-dick" because his humor is just straight up being an asshole. He's nice when you get to know him, that is if you can even hear him. I've never heard a person with such a quiet voice. Like ever. its honestly a little frustrating, he sounds like he's talking to you through a pillow when you're not even two feet away. lol.

Then you have Kyle, a morbidly obese sculptor with an incredibly pronounced brow bone. He's got hair to his shoulders, a middle lip piercing, and his tongue is split into two. So hot.

Last but not least is Willy. Willy is my personal favorite out of the group. He's a 2007 Tall, skinny Emo skater boy with a personality that matches. Very Vulgar, mean, condescending, but secretly nice/sweet. He's hilarious and is always the center of attention. I like him, even though he gives me crap more often than not for being a Mormon and "not knowing anything" lol. He lives in the most dangerous gang filled area in California (Panorama City) and always has a whiskey sour in his hand, and a cigarette to compliment it...Oh, and one other little important fact about Willy. HES BILLY BOB THORNTON'S SON.

Im friends with Billy Bob Thornton's son, WTF life?!?

This is my new group of friends. lol. reading it on paper makes me realize how weird this actually is.
But they are nice enough, and I think they like me.

So, I got to CA July 7th at 3:30 am. My 19th Birthday. I spent the day with my parents at Venice beach, and then ate at Bubba Gump's Restaurant in Santa Monica. It was a good birthday surprisingly. Most of my birthdays have been awful. I got all moved into my new room and met everyone. Day 1, done.

The next few days was just getting settled in, meeting people, going to parties (everyone wanted to know about my mormon-ness lol) etc. I found a Job about 4 days into being here, which is awesome. I am currently working at Marks Studio shop called Creature Effects in LA. They have worked on huge movies, one of their recents being The Revenant with Leonardo DiCaprio. Getting paid a whopping $10.50 an hour (WHAAAAT) and who knows if ill survive! life is fun.

next post is a fun one. Enjoy,

Micah

Reflecting

April 19th, 2016 12:01 am: "Hey, when are you moving out here?"

The message that started it all.

I decided that it would be a crime not to write this story down, I would look back on these experiences and regret it if I didn't document the little things. Because that's really what its all about I'm realizing. Little things. So, for the next however long I feel, I have decided to write about my experiences and thoughts about my recent move to CA.  Read at your own caution.

As I was saying earlier, April 19th is when everything was kicked into motion. In 2015 November, I got an offer while I was going to College in UT to fly out to LA and work on an upcoming movie. The man who offered it to me is named Glen. Glen is a renowned FX makeup artist, and I somehow managed to stumble into his life through casually speaking with a woman id never met at a hair salon right before I graduated High School. She put me in contact with someone, who put me in contact with Glen. We talked for a few months and I shared my work with him. Half a year later, while I was attending college, I got that offer, and it changed my life.

I had to make a decision fast, Glen explained if I wanted to work on this film, I would need to be on a plane to California within 24 hours. I didn't know what to do about College, so I spoke with my parents and within a few hours, I was packing my bags to leave to LA in the morning. I unfortunately had to drop out of college, and yes I wasted $3,000. But this was an opportunity I knew I couldn't pass up. So I went.

I remember being so scared to fly by myself, but I did it. I remember walking out of the airport, looking for a Taxi driver...ohhh..the Taxi Driver.

THE TAXI DRIVER

I got into the car of the first Taxi driver I saw. Mind you, This man was Asian, spoke broken english, but seemed nice enough. I told him the address, and he had difficulty finding it on his GPS. after about 7-8 minutes of asking me the same questions, hitting the GPS and yelling in God knows what language, this man demands to talk Dave (who was on the phone with me) Dave is also a makeup artist. I hand the taxi driver my phone, and instantly he and Dave were going at it. The Taxi driver threw my phone at my face. I picked up the phone and Dave said "Micah, you need to get out of this car. tell him" So, I did. He didn't let me out. He continued driving, waving his hands frantically and speaking in his foreign language. So, with more force, I demanded to get out of the car. The taxi driver slammed his brakes and told me to get out. My luggage was literally thrown into the street, and he turns to me and screams "YOU BETTA PAY ME FOR THIS TAXI RIDE YOU WHORE" I declined "FUCK YOU, YOU PAY ME NOW, I DROVE YOU" I declined again, and he sped off, leaving me in a random place.

I was terrified. I found another Taxi driver, but when I got into the car, she immediately got out and began vomiting. She told me to exit the car, so I did. Apparently she had "food poisoning". Ridiculous, am I right? But still funny as hell. I finally got a third Taxi driver who was mostly normal, aside from the fact that he told me I looked like a young Meg Ryan at least 8 times. I got to the FX studio, and began working immediately.

BACK TO THE MAIN 

Any who, my stay with Glen was fun. We had lots of conversations, inside jokes, and memories that were created. We are still friends to this day. I'm glad I know this man, because if it weren't for him, none of this would have ever happened. AND, I wouldn't have gotten to meet Pierce Brosnan and work with him. (Oh yes I did.) We made nose prosthetics for him and applied them at his temporary home, which was Steven Spielbergs old beach house. Yes, I got to go in there. Yes, it was the most beautiful house id ever seen. Yes, Pierce is a badass. He even paints, and I was lucky enough to be shown his little studio. Great guy, and surprisingly timid. it was a memorable experience for sure.

November 21st 2015




I came home in the beginning of December with a goal that I would move out to LA within the next year or two. I wanted to be there again. I missed it so much. So I guess, thats really how it started.
But fast forward a few months to April 19th, 2016. Cody, one of the Makeup Artists I met on set for the Futurama live action I was working on in LA, messaged me. He asked if I had ever thought about moving out. I said yes. He asked when I could move out, I said id let him know. Long story short, I drove my Poo-green 1998 Nissan Altima 660.5 Miles to the Land of Opportunity on July 6th, 2016.

Prior to this, I had been dealing with a lot. I was dealing with my parents fresh divorce, (they are still legally married though) and that in itself is painful beyond belief. I felt alone, thrown around, and just all around sad. On top of that, we were losing our house again. Money is tough. So, I had to move the entire house with just two other sets of hands in less than a month to a storage unit. I lived in a mans basement for a week in Cottonwood heights while we waited for our new home in Traverse to be available. Then I had to move said house AGAIN in 2 days. On top of that I was dealing with leaving my entire life behind to pursue this dream.

Saying my goodbyes was hard. I left everything behind. Friends, A boyfriend, Family, my Dog Gracie, The mountains, memories, comfort, you name it. But here I am. I survived it all and I didn't think I could. And I've never said this before, but I'm proud of myself.

So theres the little background I wanted to give. These next stories are more current, and they get better and better. The greatest part of it all, is that I have so much to write and I've only been here for 2 weeks. Take care,

Micah

Roller coaster Emotions inside a Bomb

I think it cant get worse, and then it does.
I think my mom wont leave again, and then she does.
5 years old with no parents in sight, a little girl wonders
if they will come home tonight. Clubbing was more important
than learning to read, Snorting Cocaine outweighed bedtime stories,
Cruises overruled Happy Halloweens,  and alcohol was always better
than any sunny soccer game.

I scored my first goal that day, but you weren't on the sidelines to see it.
I came home and told you all about it as you layed in your bed

You never took your eyes away from the window.

Fuck that stupid window.

it became the norm to have a mother who wasnt there to see you grow
to come home from school and not have to ask where you were anymore,
because we knew exactly where you were. You had run away to dreamland,
and decided to stay until I turned 13.

Hi mom, nice to meet you, My name is Micah, Im your daughter.


I think it cant get worse, and then it does.
I know dads never been nice, but I didnt expect this.
From Kindergarten to College, daddy was never Dad.
He was money. He was Anger, he was alcohol, a condescending
bastard who loved his porn and popped his pills.
But most of all, he was rage. A bomb with no
fuse, shooting words as sharp as spears that injected fear
into my young heart.

Self-esteem is not an option anymore, because of you.

Because of you, I am angry. I am tired. I am stupid.

But most of all dad, I am utterly terrified of myself. Because of you.



18 years old.


I've seen a lot. I've been through more than most other kids my age.
I've seen the dark,
the evil and nasty
and ive felt the slimy grip of forceful hands
more than once.
felt the cord tighten around my neck
Ive inhaled nightmares posing as daydreams
watched my blood trickle down the drain
and mourned over multiple graves.

I know what its like to feel a demon on your shoulders
licking down the nape of your neck
and whispering disease into your brain
I know what its like to give up
cry until you throw up
stare at the ceiling until the day waves goodbye.

And now I know what its like to watch your parents divide.

A shitty bond that was severed down the center.

yes, it was a shitty bond, but it was OUR shitty bond. and now its gone.
and now its shitty. Because somehow its better to have a dime
rather than 2 nickels.

I think it cant get worse, and then it does.
Money is nowhere to be found. And our memories were sold
along with our belongings. Now it was just another lifetime.
Dad says he's making big changes. That hes finding God.
Mom says she is too. But let me ask you both,

Why the fuck is it okay to find your fucking God now?
why not 13 years ago when a little girl was asking about
the man in the sky? why not 11 years ago when a little
girl asked why Grandpa had to baptize her instead?
Why the fuck now, and why is it okay to drag us all into it?

You both thought it was okay to be absent from our lives as we
grew up, so quit expecting us to be there for you now when you finally
decide to get your shit together.


I miss you guys.